It is only 2015, and you are not even two years old yet, but I wanted to write this to you now so that you can see what life was like. You have dirty blonde "curls for the girls," and the cutest darn smile I have ever seen. You have the deepest, bluest eyes, like the vast ocean. You love Thomas the train (100% my doing,) and you can't get enough cheese in your mouth at one time. Your favorite shirt has a bicycle on it, which you love, even though you are too little to ride them. Actually, you LOVE anything with wheels. Your favorite song is Anaconda by Nicki Minaj, and a few months back, you woke up from a dead sleep when it came on the radio, and just started dancing. One of your favorite things to do is dance, and you and your GiGi do it all the time. You visit frequently with Mimi and Papa, where Mimi is constantly teaching you and Papa is consistently coming behind her back and letting you do whatever you want.
I hope you have dreamed big. I know I have big dreams for you. I dream that you grow up and meet a woman, or a man, that you love deeply. I hope, although it's going to kill me, you suffer a couple heartbreaks first. I hope you find something you are passionate about, whether it be sports, art, music, science, literature...anything. I just hope you find at least one true passion. I hope you don't allow what anyone has to say to affect you negatively. Take the negative comments and let them shape you into a better, stronger person. I dream that you graduate high school and go on to do something great with your life. No, I'm my going to force you to go to college, but if that's what you've chosen, great!
I hope you still hug and kiss you momma frequently, and if you haven't, please do. I can only hope that you will still see me as a mother, whether it be your primary one, or your bonus mom. I am your friend, also. I'm sure over the years, you've hated me a lot, resented me, wondered why your father chose me, but I hope and pray that you've also loved me, appreciated me, and discovered exactly why I was put in your life.
There's things I probably haven't told you about yet, but I'm guessing at this point, you are old enough. Before you, I was a wreck. I drank a lot, smoked a lot, partied a lot. I made a lot of terrible decisions. I'm sure you've seen the scars and wondered why I would do that to myself. I'll tell you now, I hated myself with a deep burning passion. Then, you came into my life, and it's like the parts of my brain that were never quite right, just clicked into place. I was put on this earth to be your mother. My sole purpose in life became to raise you as best as I could. I'd be lying if I said some days I didn't feel like a complete failure, but never once did I turn back to my old life, because you needed me, and I couldn't abandon you. You forgave so easily, that I eventually learned to start forgiving myself. You saved me, Jadon. It's clear as day, you are MY guardian angel.
I'm proud of you. I don't know what you are doing at this point in your life, but I know for a fact, I'm proud of you because you are still here, you didn't give up. Maybe I don't tell you often enough how proud I am of you; I think parents often get wrapped up and forget to do that. I am, though. I promise.
Jadon, you were my first son. You were the first thing that I truly loved unconditionally. You gave me a meaning. Even at 18 months, you held me while I cried (I'm serious, you really did, back pats and all.) You knew that I didn't give birth to you, but you also knew I was safe and I was here for you. You expressed that often in your actions. You trusted me fully, and I hope that trust still remains. I love you, son.
"I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"
Love,
Momma
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