To be honest, I don't think I can give you the correct answer to that question. There's so many different kinds that it would be impossible. I can, however, tell you what it is for me.
My journey as a step mother had no "dip your toes in and see how it goes from there," vibe to it. No, it was more "dive in deep and know you'll never make it back to the top." I went from an 18 year old girl, fresh out of high school, to a full-time step-in mother, covered in puke, pee, and lots of slobbery kisses. I used to party my days away, get so wasted I couldn't even tell you my own name. I would hop from party to party, man to man, living as if I had no worries. Then, an unexpected message on the book of faces, turned my world around. I didn't reply, as I knew I'd fall again, get hurt, and end up right back where I started. However, when I found myself in deep emotional distress, I felt as if he was the one I needed to turn to. I was scared, skeptical, worried I would just end up heart broken all over again, yet, I risked it all. Because I took the risk, I gained not only the greatest soon-to-or ex be husband in the whole wide world, but the most amazing son I could ever ask for.
The moment I met Jadon and he climbed up in my arms, I knew \the little angel was put in my life for a reason. God sent him here to save me.s He knew I needed help, and Jadon needed a mother. He brought us together because He knew we needed each other.
At first, all I had to do was play with him and hold him. Then, one night, I put myself up to the ultimate task: it was time to start acting like a mother. He was fighting bedtime as hard as he could, and as he was frustrating his father, I decided to give it a try. I downloaded a pandora lullaby station. I held him and rocked him, I walked around, I hummed, I think I cried a little, but finally, after an hour or so, I had a sleeping baby on my chest. I had my perfect sleeping angel, right there, in my arms. How can a mother ever forget a moment that great?
Next, I took on a not-so-amazing task. I learned how to change a diaper. Can you believe, I was 18 and couldn't change a diaper to save my life? Now, not even a year later, and I can do it backwards, blindfolded, in my sleep.
I think that some step moms may be so "evil" because they feel used. They are supposed to do everything a birth mother would, but never get an ounce of respect or gratitude out of it. Why would they do that?
I do it because seeing that smile on his face is enough for me. I do it because I truly love this little boy unconditionally and I would die a thousand times over just for him to be happy everyday for the rest of his life. I do it, not because I have to, but because I want to.
Don't get me wrong, I have my moments like every other mother. I've crawled in a ball and cried my eyes out because I felt like I was losing my mind. But, do you want to know what I did next? I picked my booger butt up, and held him tight, and told him I was sorry. Quite often, I feel like I'm a failure. I feel as if I wasn't meant to be a mother, even though that's all I've wanted my whole life. However, I've learned that being a mother isn't about doing it all right, because no one can do that. No, it's about failing miserably, then picking yourself up off that bathroom floor and trying again until you do get it right. It's about love. Being a mother is ALL about love. It's about loving another being more than you love even yourself.
The special thing about a step mother is, they have no connection to that child. They didn't give birth to them, no one would say anything if they ever decided it was just too much. Yet, they still do it. They look at a child, and they don't see themselves as a kid, they don't think about holding their naked newborn body on their chest. No, they don't get that. They have to form a bond with their step child. They have to consciously choose to see this kid as their own.
For me, it wasn't even an option to not be Jadon's mother. I knew right away that this was what I was put on this earth to do. I was put here to show him how to treat a woman, how to respect her. I was put here to be a compassionate, loving figure in his life.
I love my full-time job. I love being a step mother more than I've ever loved anything else. Yes, I've had to make a lot of sacrifices. Yes, I've had to give up some things I love, but I love him more, way more than I could love anything else. I thank God every day for giving me this amazing opportunity. I thank God every day for allowing me to be a step mom.
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